Resources and Tools for Healing - The Rape Recovery Center | Salt Lake City, Utah

What is advocacy?

Whitney Childers — Wed, 31 Jan 2024 18:15:00 +0000

“All advocacy is, at its core, an exercise in empathy”

— Samantha Power

The Rape Recovery Center’s services are at no cost to survivors as we work with 14 and older primary and secondary survivors. We work hard to ensure we provide language access and currently have staff in every program who speak Spanish and have translation available. Our advocacy comes in the forms of direct services to survivors of sexual violence seeking a forensic exam or advocacy-only response in Salt Lake County, Tooele County, and the Family Justice Center, in-house services for crisis support, and follow-up. The in-house Advocates aim to provide crisis intervention, an immediate, supportive response, short-term case management, and referral services.

Our favorite tool to share with survivors, their family members, and friends is that all can advocate for survivors. Although hospital response team advocates and in-office advocates are trained professionals, they are also passionate about supporting survivors. The most critical thing we do is reinforce that we are merely partners in this healing process. We help survivors uncover their innate strengths and develop and practice new coping methods when viewing themselves and their experiences. We assist survivors as they implement coping strategies amidst a panic attack, flashback, anxiety, depression, etc. We hold silence as survivors come forward for the first time and tell their stories. We are experts at celebrating healing milestones and holding silence and grief together. We do this work with great honor and respect as we understand that healing work hurts, but not healing hurts more.

Our favorite truth to share with survivors is that they are the experts in their lives. Our advocates can share and teach practical, evidence-based ways to combat post-traumatic symptoms while honoring lived experiences. We emphasize choice and empower self-determination at every step of the healing journey. We teach our clients how to advocate for themselves beyond 4-6 hours as they undergo a sexual assault evidence collection exam, work with one of our Victim Advocates in-office for 4-6 weeks, or as needed to receive resource and referral advocacy. Our ultimate goal is to enable self-advocacy, which includes asking for help and balancing self-care and preservation.

Our advocates believe wholeheartedly that healing transcends. We believe that when one individual embarks on the healing journey, it makes room for others around them to heal, too. We provide services to family members and friends of survivors because we understand the impact of sexual violence often includes those closest to survivors.

Our highest intention in doing this work is to inspire hope. We aim to share the good news:

Healing includes us all
Everything that is needed to recover from trauma has existed within us long before the trauma.
We are partners in helping to uncover inner strength, and it is an honor and privilege to witness healing.

You can reach us at our front-line desk Monday - Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. at 801-467-7282. We have options for virtual or in-person appointments, so please call our front-line desk to schedule an appointment today. The Utah 24-Hour Sexual Assault Help-Line is available at (801) 736-4356 and Linea de Apoyo de Violencia Sexual las 24-Horas de Utah: (801) 924-0860

Showing up as our best selves, just as we are

Whitney Childers — Tue, 30 Jan 2024 18:07:00 +0000

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.”

— Howard Thurman, civil rights leader, philosopher, and theologian.

During this time of uncertainty, we are impacted by our struggles and the collective fear of the world. We must learn how to take care of ourselves. When we take care of ourselves, there is more space for us to deepen our understanding of who we are, what we stand for, and how we show up in the world. This week we are offering some resources on self-care practices, including meditation, art, creativity, and online classes. The world needs us all to be more of who we are as who we are is the greatest gift we can ever give to others. We hope these resources are supportive to you in navigating stressors this week.

Mindfulness- Meditation Based Apps

Anxiety, Depression & Post Traumatic Stress Focus Apps

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Focus Apps

Bipolar and Schizophrenia Focus Apps

Suicide Prevention Apps

Addiction Recovery Apps

Other Useful Apps

General Resources

Take a Deep Breath Resources

Move Your Body:

Online Support Groups

Create

Learn Something New

Try a New Technique

Coping in crisis

Whitney Childers — Mon, 29 Jan 2024 18:05:00 +0000

“The single most important thing that can happen right now in this pandemic is that we feel our collectivity — that we’re really here to help each other move through this. And the truth is each one of us can help. We have a real gift to offer each other just by who we are and how we come forward. ”

— Tara Brach

The Rape Recovery Center staff can meet virtually! We know we must meet our clients where they are to lessen the sense of uncertainty and anxiety. Self-care and connection are critical in our world, especially in our healing journeys. As we continue exploring ways to support survivors and the community, we asked our staff to share how they cope and practice self-care. It takes a collective and communal approach to heal. We hope these ideas, reflections, and resources are helpful to you.

I am increasing the frequency and length of my daily meditation practices to support feeling grounded and centered. Meditation also promotes my spiritual practice and self-reflection. I have used Tara Brach's Online Meditations and Embodied Together videos.

Having a young [demanding] dog means staying home 24/7 is not an option. I have been going on 2-3 walks a day around the block and down to a park near my home. Typically, I video chat with friends and family during this time or listen to a podcast. The one I have liked lately is Unlocking Us with Brene Brown.

I'm finding more tangible ways of setting boundaries between work, like designating work clothes and remembering that when I finish work, I should change into fresh clothes. I plan to try things to anchor myself when I start and end work.

Many fitness instructors and dance teachers are taking their classes on online platforms - I’ve been trying different ones. They’re fun and typically free or at a reduced rate.

Remember Marie Kondo? I’ve been sparking joy through organizing and getting rid of things that no longer serve me in different rooms in my house. I’ve been taking advantage of online workout apps, taking more time to meditate and create art, and have taken classes on herbalism and writing from a local shop, Greenthread Herbs, and Rupi Kaur via Instagram Live. I’m finally using recipes like this, I’ve wanted to try.

Join live groups that are not work-related via Zoom to help stay connected while keeping physical distance. For example, Liberate Meditation (Mediation for and by BIPOC) offers live meditation groups. My partner and I are also setting up virtual get-togethers with friends, family, and spiritual community via Zoom.

I’ve been doing Yoga with Adriene. She has a 30-day challenge that I’ve been doing every day. I also limit my news intake, which is helpful.

Many lectures I previously would not have been able to attend (geographically speaking) have moved online! If you have specific academic or hobby interests, look at related universities and organizations and search through their events. You’ll see that many have moved online, and you can join for free!

If you have favorite musical artists or visual artists - many are now performing online or joining online art collectives. Check your favorites to see if they’re doing anything like live Twitch shows, Instagram lives, Facebook lives, or posting new artworks on virtual art gallery accounts on Instagram or private websites. It’s also a great way to support your favorite artists.

Practices for creating body awareness

Whitney Childers — Sun, 28 Jan 2024 18:04:00 +0000

“There is no “supposed to be” in bodies. The question is not size or shape or year of age, or even having two of everything for some do not. But the wild issue is does this body feel, does it have the right connection to pleasure, to heart, to soul, to the wild? Does it have happiness, joy? Can it in its own way move, dance, jiggle, sway? The body is an instrument of knowing.”

— Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D

I was hiking in the foothills outside Salt Lake on a snowy and sunny afternoon. I was not feeling “great” in my body. I started to judge how it swayed, how my breath felt heavier than usual. I felt fatigued and drained. I noticed my body feeling older and different than it has over the years. I felt heavy, as though gravity was pulling me over, and I did not want to go any further. I stopped. I felt my feet in my wet boots and wiggled my toes. I noticed the connection with the earth. I softened my gaze and closed my eyes. I saw how I felt inside the body. I was breathing. My heart was beating fast. My hips ached, and my lower back felt tight. I could have stopped there and judged the pain I was feeling. But I felt the urge to go even deeper with my felt sense. I noticed as I stayed and was even more present with the sensations I felt a softness, a lightness, and spaciousness. Standing on the side of the mountain, I put my hand on my heart and said “hello” to this body, just as it was at that moment. I felt calm, almost as though my body was responding. I stood in silence while I made contact with my companion: the body.

In our society and due to oppressive systems, the body has been a place of criticism, neglect, “fixing,” needing to be different, a marketing tool, and a space where many of us may have experienced deep trauma. We may not feel safe in our bodies due to living in a very disembodied society. The body holds memories of our lives, including trauma histories and memories. It may hold words and acts of racism, a sense of otherness, and how we may have been taught that our bodies are not “okay.”

Yet, the body is an instrument of knowing. It is a tool for self-reflection, presence, and understanding. Moving from body shame to self-love is a path of inquiry and insight. How we value and honor our own bodies impacts how we value and honor the bodies of others. Body awareness, body positivity, and being embodied is a PRACTICE. Embodiment is the practice of attending to your sensations. Awareness of your body is a guiding compass to help you feel more in charge of your life. Somatic awareness provides a foundation for empathy, enables you to make healthy decisions, and gives critical feedback about your relationships with others. An embodiment allows us to feel more whole as a human being.

We invite you to join us in a daily practice of radical self-love by bringing more awareness to your body, and the felt sensations and unpacking the stories we hold about our bodies.

A Bodyful Moment

Take a moment and check in. What do you feel inside of your body? Notice your breath, your heart rate, or any areas of tension. Are you thirsty or hungry? Are you cool or warm? Do you feel awake or tired? Are you sitting up tall or slumped in your chair? Are you aware of any emotions? Where do you sense these emotions in your body?

As you reflect upon your answers to these questions, you might notice the desire to move, change your posture, take a sip of water, eat a snack, or grab a sweater. When you sense and feel your body, you can take actions that help you care for your needs. This is self-regulation, a process of responding effectively to emotions or arousal states you sense in your body. Train yourself to check in with your sensations regularly to track what you are aware of and what you need to stay in balance.

Write a letter to your body

This can be a free writing exercise where you continuously write for 5 minutes without putting the pen down. No edits, no critiques of the quality of the writing. You may want to reflect on your body's senses while you are writing. Some prompts you may want to use:

My body speaks…

I forgive…

I feel…

I want to know…

This writing can be a starting point to learn more about your relationship with your body.

Be in Movement

When our body is stagnant, we can feel energetically stuck. It can be helpful to bring a playfulness to the movement. Movement can include going for a mindful walk, noticing your breath, and connecting your feet to the earth. Movement can be dancing to your favorite song with your child. Movement can mean taking a yoga class, running, or just swaying back and forth while in a meeting. It can also mean connecting with the rhythm of our breath or heartbeat or wiggling our toes. When we move with intention and with awareness, we learn to understand how our body moves. This can support a larger sense of who we are in movement.

Create a body-positive affirmation

Affirmations can soothe us when used in conjunction with meditation. Choosing an affirmation is about finding a phrase or word we desire to live by. An affirmation can feel like a growing edge that may feel a little uncomfortable to name. Naming an affirmation can support our thinking patterns and reframe negative beliefs about ourselves and our bodies. Here are a few you may want to try:

I am a vessel of radical self-love.

My body is my companion.

I am learning to trust my body.

Practice saying this affirmation numerous times a day. You could say it out loud while walking, while in the car on the way to work. or in moments when you need to challenge internalized beliefs about yourself. Affirmations can be used anytime throughout the day that feels supportive.

The purpose intentions serve in the healing process

Whitney Childers — Sat, 27 Jan 2024 19:56:00 +0000

“Every journey begins with the first step of articulating the intention and then becoming the intention.”

— Bryant McGill

Starting a new year -a new decade, for many can spark a degree of hope, inspiration and a calling to grow and deepen personal wisdom. As we are inundated by messages of wellness, healing, growth, and challenges our wish is to spend a little time talking about intentions and the purpose intentions serve in the healing process.

Intentions can be looked at as roadmaps that can guide where our energy and efforts should go. Setting an intention starts with a focus on what we are striving for directed by care for the highest good of all, especially ourselves. Intentions are not goals, it isn’t something we attach to as an expectation or evaluation of ourselves. Intentions are instead a continuous process that we are committed to — a practice that has no limits. Some examples that we’ve witnessed transform survivors in the healing process are:

“Responding to triggers instead of reacting to them.”

“Letting go of fear when new people or opportunities show up.”

“checking in with my body when angry, sad, or fearful.”

“Listening to understand instead of listening to respond.”

“Nurturing myself when overwhelmed with life and circumstances beyond my control.”

The purpose is not to be perfect at our intention, but rather committed to the practice and journey specific to our intention.

Meaningful intentions can answer the questions of “Why is this important to me?” and “Why do I want this?” In doing so we allow the journey of said intention to fulfill itself. We relinquish control over the dynamics that bring forth the specific intentions but instead welcome it in whatever shape it manifests itself. We welcome the possibility of trying and growth, regardless of the outcome.

Here are some questions aimed at self-reflection meant to help you get started in forming an intention:

What matters most to you?

What would you like to build, create, or nurture in your life?

What would you like to let go of?

How do you feel when you are your happiest self?

What makes you proud?

What word(s) would you like to align yourself with?

What fears would you like to release?

What are you grateful for?

Credit: Eisler, M. (2018, February 10). Intention setting 101. Retrieved from https://mindfulminutes.com/intention-setting-101/

In addition, here are 10 intentions you can borrow or build from:

Find balance

Open your mind and heart

Peace

Stay steady, calm and focused

Act with courage

Embrace change

Give and receive love

Allow yourself to be vulnerable

Connect with others

Love

Credit: Eisler, M. (2018, February 10). Intention setting 101. Retrieved from https://mindfulminutes.com/intention-setting-101/

You can adapt one of these if it resonates with you. Regardless of how you find your intention, we hope that it guides your healing process and is personal to you.

It does not have to be perfect to exist

Whitney Childers — Fri, 26 Jan 2024 20:07:00 +0000

“Creativity is experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun.”

— Mary Lou Cook

Do you ever feel like you aren’t good enough? That you’re not talented enough, creative enough, or smart enough? Well I’ve got good news for you! Creativity is for everyone. That’s right- everyone! You don’t have to be a trained professional to enjoy drawing, painting, cooking, sewing, baking, making music, singing, dancing, writing, or any other form of creativity.

Although it’s been incredible to see the amazing works of creators all over social media within the last ten years, I think it’s also had an unfortunate side effect. It’s made us feel like if we aren’t producing like other people- if it’s not pinterest worthy or instagram ready- then our work has no value. If our final product doesn’t look as good as theirs, or if we’re not making money off of it- we have no right to create. Nothing could be further from the truth. Creativity does not solely belong to the experts in any craft. Creativity is human. It’s what allows us to connect with our thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and in turn, sparks connection with others.

Creating isn't necessarily about the end product, but more about the process. It allows us to reflect, process our emotions, allowing ourselves to embrace the good and the bad of our circumstances, remind ourselves and others that it's okay to feel, give ourselves permission to let go of what doesn't serve us anymore, or map out a vision of what we hope for our future. Something that was said in the Healing Arts group a few weeks ago still sticks with me and I love the sentiment so much:

"It doesn't have to be perfect to exist"

We so often feel like we have to be perfect, or we have to be “on” all the time. We have to do everything and keep everyone else afloat. We have to keep going. We can't stop. We can't let people know what's really going on inside. If we can't keep up, we aren't worthy of taking up space.

We are our greatest creation - and we do not have to be perfect to exist. Embrace your process. Allow yourself to BE. Be imperfect. Be loud. Be bold. Be gentle. Be strong. Be soft. Be whatever it is that feels right to you- and it's okay if that changes. We are not set it stone.

As we transition to a new year and a new decade, this can be a valuable time to reflect on what is growing and changing in us. Work on a project for the new year - or any time - to pause, decompress, express gratitude, and meditate on this past year. Make a banner to honor where you’ve been, where you are, and where you want to go.

We invite you to reflect on the following questions as you create your square(s):

What have you learned this year?

How have you grown?

What are you proud of- for yourself, for your relationships, and for your community?

Who do you want to show gratitude for in your life?

When you take the time to be creative - especially through images, words, or music - you create space for healing, growth, and connection with yourself and others. Not to mention, studies have shown drawing and other art forms reduce stress, release anxiety, and boost your mood, so even if you just want to paint your favorite color on a square, write something funny, or scribble and draw lines or patterns- that act alone can be a form of grounding that helps you focus on the here and now.

In the wise words of Ms. Frizzle, “Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!”

The holidays are a wonderful time to celebrate life, reflect on the previous year, and spend time with loved ones. At the same time, it can also be an incredibly stressful time of year for a number of reasons. Whether it’s struggling to make ends meet, mental health issues, physical health issues, coping with the loss of a loved one, or navigating toxic relationships, it can be hard to know how to best take care of yourself when you feel pulled in so many different directions. It’s important to find ways to take care of ourselves and make sure we listen to what we need. Creativity can be a meaningful and important outlet to care for ourselves in a difficult time.

Remember - it's OK to take things one step at a time and enjoy the process, not just the final product.

It doesn’t have to be perfect to exist.

Written by Emily Bagley, Healing Arts intern at the Rape Recovery Center

Emily is an artist who uses drawing, painting, and music to help others find healing, hope and peace. Her passion for arts and education have led her to create and facilitate a number of arts based workshops in the community that help participants explore topics like self acceptance, identity, and who they want to become. She is the co-founder of the Women’s Group, WeCan - a group that covers topics like healthy sexuality, mental health, physical health, toxic stress, mindfulness and meditation, women’s health, boundaries, and communication.

In her free time, Emily enjoys painting, drawing, playing music, hiking, and taking things slow. She lives in Bountiful with her husband, sister, brother-in-law, and their 3 adorable dogs.

Men Healing: An interview with Jim Struve

Whitney Childers — Thu, 25 Jan 2024 20:16:00 +0000

“I seek gender parity; I wish for equality in media exposure that sexual violence impacts males as well as females. I also wish the media would devote more attention to the inspirational stories of healing rather than the tragedy of trauma. The narratives of what survivors discover in their healing are profound and the changes/accomplishments/possibilities that are released thru recovery are sometimes invisible – I wish the media would cover more journeys of healing to inspire other survivors to take the leap into their own recovery.”

— Jim Struve, LCSW

Men Healing collaboration with the RRC

In 2020, as part of the Tools for Healing series, the Rape Recovery Center cultivated more awareness for male survivors not only at our agency but also in the field of sexual violence. What better way to highlight healing and community for male survivors than to interview and spotlight the work of Jim Struve. Jim is the founder and Executive Director of Men Healing, an organization dedicated to Inspiring Hope, Changing Lives. We hope the interview below increases awareness, healing, and, overall, more tools to incorporate into your healing process.

What are some of the barriers that you have seen with male survivors accessing services?

Less so now than in the past, but services for sexual violence have historically been gendered, with minimization or outright exclusion of services for males. Many of the laws were also gendered and not applicable to males. Luckily, these areas of barriers have diminished – although not yet fully overcome. In many ways, male survivors remain a “Visible Invisible” population – in other words, 1 of every 6 males is a survivor; yet most male survivors are invisible or perceive themselves to be one of a kind, live in secrecy – and many of us do not know that males in our lives may be survivors. “Male” and “victim” remain an oxymoron – this creates a cultural barrier that personally impacts most male survivors.

Also, sexual victimization is pathologized by mental health professionals. Thereby, the media - and public perception – have a distorted view of trauma = pathology. Post Traumatic Stress is portrayed as a “disorder,” – which creates a barrier for men who fear being negatively diagnosed if they seek help. We need to change the paradigm and more accurately approach sexual victimization as an “Injury” – therefore, Post Traumatic Stress Injury. Changing the paradigm may reduce a significant barrier discouraging men from seeking healing resources.

What is something you wish general media would consider when highlighting sexual violence issues?

I seek gender parity; I wish for equality in media exposure that sexual violence impacts males as well as females. I also wish the media would devote more attention to the inspirational stories of healing rather than the tragedy of trauma. The narratives of what survivors discover in their healing are profound, and the changes/accomplishments/possibilities that are released through recovery are sometimes invisible – I wish the media would cover more journeys of healing to inspire other survivors to leap their recovery.
(MenHealing has launched a video project, “Beyond Survival: Voices of Healing,” which features narratives of healing and hope. ( Access: https://menhealing.org/resources-for-survivors/video-archive/ )

In your perspective, why is community impactful to the healing process?

Most male survivors still perceive they are alone; lacking awareness of how many other males share this unfortunate life experience. Therefore, male survivors internalize acceptance of isolation and aloneness. Others view these behaviors as typical traits of masculinity. Healing in a group or community for male survivors is essential to break through this experience of isolation and aloneness. Discovering a sense of belonging with others is one of the most impactful aspects of healing for male survivors. It also provides the foundations for male survivors to become better husbands, partners, fathers, friends, etc. as they heal and can expand their capacity for connection and intimacy.

What is your message to others looking to explore healing and recovery following a sexual assault?

If you are a male who has experienced sexual victimization, know that healing resources are now available – take the leap to seek help; join a listserv or social media feed so you can become more aware of resources that are available. Try to find a way to make it safe enough to seek healing resources sooner rather than later.

If you are an ally who has a family member, friend or loved one who is – or who you suspect is – a male survivor, explore how you can make it safe enough to engage with him to talk openly. Don’t be afraid to be curious and ask; male survivors are often afraid to initiate disclosure but made be receptive– and appreciative – of “asks” that are delivered with care, compassion, and safety.

What are some of the ways that men can engage in a healing community?

There are resources for men – like support groups through local Rape Recovery Centers; healing retreats such as the MenHealing Weekend or Day of Recovery events; through participating in social media networks and on-line support services for male survivors; etc. Do google searches for the topics related to male survivors and men will discover lots of resources that are now available in 2019/2020.

What motivated you to get involved in the work you do?

I attended college at the University of Wisconsin-Madison during the late 1960s. Experiences during those formative years catapulted me into becoming a lifelong social justice activist.

In my late 20’s, I was hired - with no real social work experience - by government Child & Family Services in Atlanta. Relatively soon into that job, I was promoted to the Emergency Services Unit, working with abused and neglected male youth: I worked in that position for about 4 ½ years; then worked for 3 years in a Residential Treatment facility with Troubled Boys, most of whom were victims of abuse or neglect.

Although I lacked any official clinical degree, I surprised myself and my employers by my degree of competence and effectiveness in working with victims of sexual victimization. A supportive employer allowed me to secure more official professional credentials while I maintained full-time employment. (I was too poor to quit my job so attended graduate school while maintaining a full-time job.) I was fortunate to attend the School of Social Work at Atlanta University, a Historically Black College that had a strong emphasis on training Social Workers to be social justice advocates. I received my MSW at age 32. With my advanced degree, I obtained employment as a Social Worker in a Psych Hospital setting. Within a short period of time, I was promoted to Director of Clinical Services, positions I held at 2 different hospitals

I became involved with the Georgia Council on Child Abuse and began to challenge the lack of services for male survivors, resulting in me beginning to conduct clinical services to adult male survivors. Along the way – at about age 34 - I had the self-realization that I was also a survivor. I had never forgotten memories of sexual violation during my early childhood and thru much of my adolescence – it was just so normal that I never considered it to be victimization. Even during my early career working with survivors, I failed to connect the dots that I was the same as many of the males I was working with. But my realization provided insight into why I had been so effectively working with male victims/survivors during the preceding years, without any formal training.

Once I embraced my identity as a survivor as well as a Social Worker, I quickly mobilized my energies to address social justice issues related to sexual victimization. I was outraged that an issue so important to my core was so invisible and by the lack of services. I had the unexpected opportunity to meet 2 wonderful men who were also both Social Workers and survivors. We combined our energies and committed to organizing a public conference to leverage more visibility for male survivors. One of the men lived in St. Paul and was able to persuade organizers of a conference on male offenders to add a second day during which we could address issues relevant to male survivors. 200 people attended. This was 1988.

I committed to organizing a conference in 1989 that would focus exclusively on non-offending male survivors. We conducted a 3-day conference in Atlanta that was attended by 450 people from 14 countries. To my knowledge, this was the first free-standing male survivor-only conference anywhere (in other words not an add-on or combined with offender conference). I helped to form a planning committee with the mission to organize a series of annual conferences in several cities around the country. By 1995 (after 5 additional male survivor only conferences, we incorporated as a national organization to continue the work. That organization still exists as MaleSurvivor.org. In 2001, some members of MaleSurvivor launched a Weekend of Recovery (WOR) program to conduct 3-day healing retreats for male survivors. I joined the WOR program in 2003. In 2017, we incorporated the WOR program as an independent 501c3 entity, now known as MenHealing, and I began my tenure as Executive Director of that new organization. As of October 2019, we have conducted 77 WOR healing retreats.

My motivation to do this work is integrated into my identity. I am deeply committed to ensuring that males are able to receive healing resources that were never available to me; I believe that healing from sexual trauma may reduce toxic masculinity and allow new models of masculinity; I am excited to use my years in “retirement” to be more fully available for social justice work, free of the worries about paying my mortgage and therefore more fully available to change the world for male survivors and those who love us.

For more information on Men Healing, please visit www.menhealing.org

Reconnect to self through creative expression

Whitney Childers — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 20:25:00 +0000

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.”

— Martha Graham

There’s a lot to be said about making art.

There are classes and rule books and critics that will tell you where you rank and how to be better. How to relate to an audience. How to be marketable. What we never talk about is the desire to create something. What drives us to imagine something new and then offer it up to the world? It’s a very particular feeling, to want to create something. It feels like what a flower must feel like before blooming--it knows that it’s time to unfurl and be seen. But this desire doesn’t get nurtured in our daily lives. For most of us, anyway. And I want to show you what I’ve learned about holding onto that feeling, never letting it fade, always believing that I am creating even if I can’t see my creation yet. This can be a way of looking at ourselves with compassion when we know we are in a cocoon. Because healing is also creating.

Creating means reminding yourself that you are worthy of creating.

Our desire for self-expression can easily get tied up in questions of worthiness. Many of us genuinely feel that we have little to offer in the way of art. We feel that we haven’t uncovered any hidden truths worth sharing. But how does that attitude affect the way we evaluate our experiences? It tells us that our experiences are not rich with meaning and that we are not equipped to harvest meaning from them. But the human mind is so driven to live and to find meaning in living. Self-expression is a way of validating our life force. Seeing its meaning and its worth.

So when we are examining our desires for self-expression, it’s always worthwhile to examine our ideas about worthiness and the ways we may be holding ourselves back from our true expression. There are many ways of dampening or toning down our authentic tone, but the sound made by your life needs to be heard, or the orchestra as a whole is incomplete.

Creating means walking the path to connectedness.

Self-expression is the act of expressing love to yourself and the world. Where trauma makes us feel isolated and separated, self-expression reminds us that we are always connected.

Gabor Mate, a physician and childhood trauma specialist, has written that “the essence of trauma is disconnection from ourselves. Trauma is not terrible things that happen from the other side—those are traumatic. But the trauma is that very separation from the body and emotions. So, the real question is, “How did we get separated and how do we reconnect?”

By nurturing our desires to create and express ourselves, we explore the pathways that connect our minds back to our bodies. And when we share our creations with the world, we reconnect with the world around us. In this way, healing from trauma can be an opportunity to recreate our very existence, and learn to express ourselves from a place of love and connection rather than fear.

The desire to reconnect with oneself is the same as the desire to create. With these desires in mind, you can aspire to express yourself honestly, without restraint. Those feelings of separation from yourself and others can become an opportunity to close the gap through self-expression.

Meditation is a creative practice that lets you into your inner world and shows you what is forming there. Here are some meditative activities that can create a space for you to nurture your creative drive.

Walking
Reading
Cleaning
Examining your face in the mirror
Dancing
Drawing or doodling
Sitting outside with no distractions
Having an honest conversation with someone you love
Closing your eyes, laying down, and listening to music on headphones
Looking at trees, sitting under trees, climbing trees
Spending time with children
Sewing, weaving, knitting
Gardening

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Connecting to your inner child

Whitney Childers — Tue, 23 Jan 2024 20:31:00 +0000

“She held herself until the sobs of the child inside subsided entirely. I love you, she told herself. It will all be okay.”

— H. Raven Rose, Shadow Selves: Double Happiness

Artwork by Alexander Milov

What is the inner child?

We were all at one time children. Nobody is born an adult, neatly mature, responsible, and with all the skills necessary to navigate this world. At some point in our lives, we become adults and lose touch with our inner child. However, not because we lose touch with our inner child does that mean it does not have an influence on us. Most of us still act in childish ways every now and then. Examples of these moments may look like when you have a temper tantrum over someone drinking the last soda in the fridge, a panicky sense of being a bother, or feeling as if you don't matter when friends are not responding to your texts or phone calls right away.

Some of us, who had a judgmental and loveless childhood, remain children most of the time - temper tantrums and all. It may be difficult for others to understand because we look like an adult on the outside, but we are very much a child on the inside.

The inner child is a “part” of us that lives in the unconscious. In many ways, the inner child represents the child we once were. This child may hold many positive and negative beliefs about itself. Some examples of negative self-beliefs are “I don’t matter,” “I'm not good enough,” “I’m not lovable,” “I’m damaged,” “I should have known better,” “I’m powerless,” “I’m stupid.” On the other hand, some positive self-beliefs are “I matter,” “My needs matter,” “I deserve good things,” “'I’m lovable,” “I can learn from a mistake,” “I’m smart,” and “I’m wanted.”

Thinking back to your childhood, what are some positive and negative beliefs you learned about yourself? Do you find yourself still holding these beliefs, or at least some?

Sometimes our inner child is stuck in the past, alone, scared, worried, sad, angry, neglected, and hurt. It is up to us to show up for our inner child to nurture, love, offer compassion, and kindness. But most of all to bring the inner child to the present moment, nurture, protect, and ultimately heal them. You more than anyone has the power to do that. A way of doing this is to bring awareness to the presence of the inner child. You can start by focusing on your body, emotions, and thoughts. Creating this awareness is a skill, and as with any skills, it will take practice and work. Cultivating this practice may result in a positive shift and a deeper connection to this inner child.

I suggest to start connecting with your inner child slowly, gently, non-judgmentally, and compassionately. Many times when we attempt to connect with our inner child, we may find big scary wounds that need to be healed. If this is the case for you, there is nothing to feel ashamed of. Honor the needs of your inner child non-judgmentally, and seek the help and support that can assist you. One suggested avenue of support may look like engaging in services with a licensed trauma therapist. Contact your local community to find a trauma therapist that fits your needs for this healing journey.

How ?

Firstly, there is no right or wrong way of seeking out your inner child. The best way to connect with your inner child is to practice visualizing what your inner child looks like, how they feel, what they need and so on. Secondly, we suggest that you try different ideas and pick a few that you noticed help you connect with your inner child the most. Below is one suggested way of practicing.

Exercise to ground with your inner child:

Returning to your window of tolerance

***Warning: The following exercise is not designed to address serious issues for which one might need the help of a local trauma-informed trained therapist.

1) Find a comfortable position. A position that would allow your body to feel relaxed and supported. Try sitting or lying down.

2) Start by taking several deep breaths.

In through the nose for...1… 2… 3… 4… hold your breath in for… 1… 2… 3… 4… and out through the mouth for… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… Try exhaling a little longer than inhaling. By doing this you facilitate a natural pause in your brain and relaxation will follow.

3) Gently and with kind intention place your hand on the part of your body where you feel your inner child residing at this moment. Try your best to non-judgmentally notice your body, soul, and mind without getting “hooked.” Step back, and as openly as you can, kindly and compassionately notice your inner child. It is as if you are noticing the passing clouds in the sky, but you are not flying away on them.

4) Continue to breathe naturally and calmly. If you notice that you are getting overwhelmed, please honor the feeling and non-judgmentally stop this practice. Gently open your eyes, and while breathing in and out gently notice 3 things you see, 2 things you hear, 1 thing you smell, 1 thing you taste, and 3 things that are touching your body. If you desire to explore and connect with your inner child again, it is advised to do so with the guidance and expertise of a trauma-informed therapist.

5) With your hand touching the part of your body where your inner child is residing, kindly ask “what do you need from me right now?”

6) Step back and wait for the answer. Our inner child may answer in different ways. Sometimes through body sensations, feelings, thoughts, images, memories, words, etc.

Notice the answer with compassion and non-judgment. Avoid telling the child what it needs. Instead, listen as openly as you can. Honor your inner child as is, at this moment. Notice the impermanence of what you are noticing. How it washes in and out...

7) Still with your hand touching your body, kindly offer loving-kindness. You may create and repeat a mantra that fits best your inner child and you. For example, say to your child in a compassionate and non-judgmental manner;

May you feel loved,

May you feel safe,

May you feel peace,

May you feel heard,

May you feel protected.

8) Repeat this mantra as many times as you feel necessary for you and your inner child. Mindfully, listen to yourself repeating this mantra either out loud or internally. Allowing your inner child to feel the mantra through your body, heart, and mind. Bring non-judgmental awareness to any shifts in your body, emotions, and mind. Allowing any positive shift to sink in - in your body, emotions, mind, and inner child. Notice them with curiosity, openness, and kindness.

9) Notice negative shifts in your inner child washing in and out, like passing clouds in the sky - not “flying away on them.” Mindfully bring awareness to the impermanence of the negative shifts, and allow yourself and your inner child to “soak” your body, emotions, and mind in the positive shifts.

If the shift feels stuck in negative and it is increasing, then stop this practice. Gently open your eyes, and while breathing in and out gently notice 3 things you see, 2 things you hear, 1 thing you smell, 1 thing you taste, and 3 things that are touching your body. If you desire to explore and connect with your inner child again, it is advised to do so with the guidance and expertise of a trauma-informed therapist.

10) And now, show gratitude and appreciation to your inner child for allowing you to connect, and for giving you the opportunity to honor and nurture it. Feel your eyes, muscles, and natural breathing softening.

11) Lastly, let’s take 3 deep breaths.

“Through the trust of our inner child in the balance of the self-lead spirit, may we find our path to self-liberation.”

— Martha Mendes, CSW, ASUDC

Resources

Schwartz, R. C. (2001). Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model. Oak Park, IL: Trailheads Publications.

Holmes, T., & Holmes, L. (2007). Parts work: An illustrated guide to your inner life. Kalamazoo, MI: Winged Heart Press.

Lees, D. J., & Lees, A. (2017). The inner child explained: How to love, guide & heal your inner child. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BM0lmfBlE2E

Folts, K. (2018). Give your inner child permission to heal. Retrieved from

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKHkq6S3kaU